Scatterbrained

Stuff that's in my head right now;

Baby Koa's birth certificate, need to go to the National Registration Department to get this done, and I hate dealing with public service counters coz they're known to be...difficult, need to decide whether or not I'm including the father's name and details in the cert, kids' education, money matters, postnatal fats, things to giveaway or organise a garage sale, things to talk about as a public figure which if identified will provide for easier channeling of ideas in future job requests, unhealthy routine & diet, I need supplements, meaning, budget for that, Rhu's fever, Micah & Dante's routine, been taking about sending them for martial art or music or swimming or coding classes, their emotional health, subbing as translator, copywriting, proofreading, conversational English, etc., trying not to think about social media coz I know I need to but am procrastinating, the ant problem in my house.. 

I had some thoughts earlier, during my meditation yesterday and today, that I couldn't possibly recall right now. About feeling inspired to initiate something... All i recall is needing to jot it down then and there but was not willing to stop my already half-way meditation... Makes me wonder what do you do when that happens? I mean, in meditation, is it better to pause and write down these ideas or don't do that and risk forgetting those ideas like me right now?

I figured that if I am to restart writing for the sake of getting better at articulating my thoughts so I can improve my communication skills for work or personal relationships, I might as well start consistently journaling my thoughts since thousands of them come and make space in my head everyday. 

I hope that by doing this often, I'll be able to see some improvement in the way I process my thoughts, so that this habit of overthinking will work IN my favour instead of against; consistently resisting had proven that it gets nowhere, just constant recycle of the same situations, as if the universe is trying to tell me that I didn't get the lesson YET. 

Also, I need to prepare scripts for a few gigs, might as well. 

Love,

Scatterbrained

Write, Amy. Write

Here's a post to remind me that I need to write more. It's practice, Amy. Not a once-a-month-or-three kind of 'more'. Everyday you try kind of more. 

"It might take you 30 days to create a habit, but that habit could change your life for the next 30 years."

"What are you doing everyday to achieve your goal in life?" What is your goal in life? "Do you know what you really want?" Close your eyes and ask yourself where would you like to be in 20-30 years from now. What does it look like? 

"Do you spend some time everyday to credit into the account of making that life happen?" 

I mean, just journaling it down on this platform has got to count for something better than nothing, right? 

"...above all, be kind to yourself." I hear myself whisper to my inner child, whom I've been trying to connect with more often than I ever did my entire life, to disintegrate all the decades of shame and pain I've ever accumulated in this body as a result of the environment in which I grew up in...

That helps remind me that I need not rush in pursuing whatever it is that I think will expand my experience in life.. Better a fool to believe in dreams no matter how silly, than a people pleaser trashing dreams coz they don't fit in the class that society sees as normal...

"Write, Amy.. Write..." 

I close my eyes and start visualising what I would consider a life happily lived... If everything in the world is possible, a school, more like a village of parents aspiring to teach or show kids the skills and stuff that we wish we had learned earlier in life, stuff that I've been teaching my kids in our last two years of homeschooling; meditation, journaling, simple but important stretches and workouts, learning about our body, basic food education, mental & emotional wellbeing, environmental education, basic money management, basic woodworking, philosophy, art & music as skills and therapy, etc.  

And we would dance, plant food, make food, meditate, make art, and spread the idea that a healed world is possible.. "Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race," - Michael Jackson, circa 1992. 

How bout a partner? Does it show up in your 'life happily lived' imagined'? 

If I can be honest and truly dig my deepest desires, yes I want a partner who can be on the same path of wanting to better ourselves and enrich the lives of those we come across in our life one way or another, starting with the life of my kids... How do we - me and my imagined partner, utilise the time that we're given to parent these kids, do we act in such a way that we try our best or taking things for granted?

Not sure if that vision of a partner will exist in the form of someone who's already in my life and not really 'there' yet but showed genuine intention to learn, OR someone new...

But, write, Amy. Write... Do it often, do it possibly everyday... It's the one thing that brought you joy and meaning when you were younger, and still does everytime you are kinder to yourself and show up, instead of beating yourself up whenever you don't finish what you started. Haha... 

with love, 

Yourself