Love Defined

I stood amidst thousands of young people, most of whom are university and college students. Initially I had no idea how big this thing was going to be. Even upon seeing the great number of diversified people, i was still clueless of what a big deal this event was. I thought to myself, these are just spiritual-freak bunch of people who has nothing to do on Sundays. And i actually almost gave that up for a movie instead. Yes, that was how ignorant i was.

But i guess, God, as always, calls when He has to. I've always been amazed of how He does things without me realizing it. He is always working totally when I least expect it. Always. And indeed, He did it again last Sunday.

I came with complete ignorance and least expectations of anything was to happen to me or have the way I see things altered. It's not like it's the first I've ever attended such event. But I should have known God better, I mean the way He does things; unexpectedly.

The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony's intro was played, and I honestly thought it was being played as an audio, coz it was damn good. And then there came the spotlight shining on the keyboardist. Gradually, the drums. I was just awed, the music and sound systems were seriously good. For a moment there, i forgot that God should be the centre of it all.

But God knows better. As the night proceeded, He managed to draw my attention to Him and man was I awed beyond description. He reminded me again and again just how much He loves the screw-ups. That His love is ever unfailing. That nothing that I've done could ever make Him close the door. The best part is that, I wasn't even looking for assurance for anything, but He just had to tell me didn't He... My Savior, the only one who could ever take my breath away...

"You are already chosen by Him... You can fall thousands of times, but don't fret, He's already there picking you up..."

I've heard the same phrase over and over again, and it's still the greatest music to my ear to this very day. Everytime i hear it, I'm reminded of how God picked me up from the shit i got myself into years back; all that mess in my life; all the games i played and ended up getting lost; I still can't make out why He chose me out of all the people He could easily work on. I'm two hands full. I'm a difficult set of jigsaw puzzle. Even after He showed me that salvation is possible for people like me, I keep falling. Picked up and fall again. Saved and went astray again. Washed clean and played in the mudd again. And My God, does He ever give up...

At times, I get tired of the games I'm playing. But trust me, it's even more tiring trying to escape from Him. I was so tired that I even told Him, "God, enough. You don't need me, I'd be fine on my own. Go and find someone else to work on. Not me, I'm tired. I gave up on You."

Did He stop? No. Not even a second. And then through a good friend of mine, He told me this, "Maybe it's not so much about you giving up on Him... Don't you ever think that maybe He is the One who refuses to give up on you?"

My Savior, Author of salvation, He is mighty to save...

Since attending the conference and rejuvenated, I keep asking myself and asking God, what is it that I need to do? I know I must start doing something but I just don't know what. I guess my idea of deed was too huge, like an impatient girl trying to change the world overnight. So this morning, still the same questions bugging my mind, "what is it that I have to do? What is it that I'm doing wrong?" out of the blue, a friend of mine, whom would least care or even thought about God nor spiritual things, texted me, "God is far more interested in what you are than in what you do."

*smiles*

There are questions that Google can't answer. And for that kind of questions, you know who I turn to. He doesn't even care what I'm made of, where I came from, what I've done, how long i'll take to make my way to Him or if i keep getting lost along the way. He just wants ME. And what could define love better than that.