Change is a bitch

This is me throwing a tantrum... For struggling with change, with knowing better, and having to stick to the path (of this healing journey) no matter what happens. Sure I can choose to change it anytime I want, go back to patterns that I was more used to; staying in the comfort zone. But I feel that it would be such a waste if I do that... So here I am, stuck in the neither here nor there, damned if I reverse or U-turn damned if I go on the journey - because of not knowing what's ahead... 

As with any other processes in life, there are good days and there are days I barely understand why I persist... And there's no telling how long the emotion will stay... At this point, I've learned to understand that how I feel is just emotions - not JUST emotions like they are insignificant, but JUST emotions as in, they are simply indicators of how or what I'm feeling and not a life or death sentence. And there is good and truth in being able to see it that way coz we're so used to overthinking about what our emotions mean...

But whatever it is that I'm feeling, I just feel in my gut that I need to articulate them, or at least relearn how to coz it feels like I forgot how... I've gotten so used to fleeing or freezing as a response to sticky, uncomfortable, difficult situations or challenges, and that's what I still feel like doing everytime I start blogging or journaling... 

But this is MY space... No judgment, just a safe space for me to vent.. So take it as a win, Amy... Change is a bitch, so celebrate the little victories coz some days there ain't much to notice... 

Till the next post.