Coparenting

Since separating from my most recent partner, Niq, we've been coparenting the kids, adjusting according to our respective schedule. It started with me having the kids on weekdays and him on the weekends. And then some stays get overstretched according to public holidays, school holidays, and I've been learning to let go of rigidity coz, honestly, I was starting to enjoy the days and nights that I get to have being alone, not having to worry about whether or not they have eaten, bathed, or managing who does or haven't done what chore. It's more tiring doing those things alone, but it's also much more less stress not having to manage other people but myself. Then kids come home and I appreciate them more, able to be more lenient with the house rules, able to enjoy bedtime bonding more, and we don't fight as much. 

There are downsides of course. It gets harder to go back to healthier practices and diet that I've worked hard on implementing in our house, coz they didn't have to follow them when they're with the dad, so I look like the 'bad guy' for having to be the disciplinarian. Oh, it's one of the things that have been eating me up inside... I get into serious anxious and depressive moments, not being able to accept that things are the way they are and I just have to adjust my expectations, not to set the bar so high that I end up being depressed all the time.. 

I was also dead worried about how the kids are going to adjust. Because some days, they are also separated; the boys stay with and Rhu stays with her father, mostly coz she wants to... And I think part of it is because of his lack of discipline and my overwhelming need to have things work out the way I want them to... I was and still sometimes worry about how this will affect their relationship with each other, with me, with their dad(s), how they will view the world and how things work, being exposed to confusing life principles and mixed messages - one parent says yes to play video games or watch Youtube for more than two hours and the other says no, one parent feeds cereal and cow's milk as breakfast and the other parent insists on always having fruits for breakfast, one parent is okay with kids not doing any house chores while the other says it's a must everyday...

I watched a Teal Swan video today about 'Getting in the Flow', and thought about how that resonates with one of the things my therapist friend slash podcast co-host said about "going with the Woo Way"... 

It's a lot to digest (duh, it's Teal Swan - I like to listen to an episode or a topic more than once to really get what she's saying), but I get it and I feel that her version of truth and authenticity resembles what I feel is right in my gut... So I like letting myself process her teachings, even if they are hard pills to swallow...

And in that video is a reminder for me to ride with the waves... Like a surfer who needs to work with the waves and not try to control them or go against them... 

It's not easy, but I'm doing it... Going with the Woo Way - which I learned is derived from one of Daoism teachings of flowing with the 'wu wei', effortless action, doing nothing... 

The kids came home today, and we had a good time catching up.. But their dad is also here, sleeping over, coz he had an argument with his sister and now he doesn't wanna go back to the family home where he had been staying with his parents and sister who has three kids that enjoy playing with my kids whenever they went over... But more on that in another post.. It's past midnight and this pregger mama needs to sleep.. Long day tomorrow, many decisions to make... 

Till then.